This past Saturday Jevon Carter became the first major conference player to record more than 1,500 points, 500 rebounds, 500 assists and 300 steals in his career. It’s an accomplishment that I’m not sure can be replicated in this era of one and done’s. But it pales in comparison to what my sources are telling me about Carter’s legacy going forward.
I am being told that former West Virginia point guard Joe Mazzulla recently approached Carter about him possibly entering the esteemed, and rarely spoken of Van Wilder House. Having been incubated in the same “Bob Huggins/West Virginia laboratory to create tough guards capable of full-court pressing all game while savoring the energy for one gutsy three in crunch time” laboratory, Mazzulla (VWH Inductee — 2012) was the clear liaison between the Van Wilder House and Carter. An obvious life-altering accomplishment for Jevon Carter has been met with praise by some in the know, but has been more commonly met with macro-level confusion… that is…
The Van Wilder House
What exactly is the Van Wilder House (“VWH”)?
The inspiration for “The Heisman House”, the Van Wilder House was built at some point in the early 2000’s as a shrine to those college basketball players who seem to be in college forever. Named after the Ryan Reynolds played Van Wilder who could just never seem to graduate, the house is a tribute to those whose presence in March Madness is as common as that of a Greg Gumbel or Ian Eagle. It awards those who never seem to leave. And it immortalizes those who make you say, “That guy is still there!!??”
In fact, that comment — “That guy is still there!?”— is almost like a rallying call to the members of the VWH. Much like a roll tide or a hook em, “that guy is still there” is commonly used by members of this fraternity as a substitute for a simple hello or goodbye. It is also the reason I was able to discover the existence of the Van Wilder House.
Legend has it that shortly after winning the NCAA Championship in 2016, an unknown individual in a trench coat slipped Ryan Arcidiacono a piece of paper with just the slogan written on it. This interaction occurred in the parking lot of NRG Stadium in Houston and was picked up on surveillance footage. It shows the utter confusion on Arcidiacono’s face as to who this unknown individual was. Well, over the past two years I have gotten my hands on that footage, broken it down, re-pixelated and repackaged it. This process has been expensive and time consuming, but ultimately I was able to find a license plate for trench coat: It belonged to Villanova legend and 4 year starter, Scottie Reynolds.
My investigation into the Reynolds-Arcidiacono encounter fueled me to dive deeper into the existence of the Van Wilder House. And that deep-dive led to me to my source who has given me so much juicy information that if I could inject it into my veins like a heroin fiend I would.
Here is what I know:
- The House is led by a board of three leaders, known as the Triumvirate. The Triumvirate includes the most tenured members and they ultimately determine who gets considered for admission. There is a separate unknown process for actual admission.
- The current Triumvirate is Julius Hodge, Gerry McNamara and Perry Ellis.
- Perry Ellis’ promotion to the Triumverate was met with disdain by senior members of the House, i.e. those who played 4 years in the early 2000’s. The senior members include the likes of JJ Redick, Chris Duhon, Drew Neitzel, Salim Stoudamire and Kevin Pittsnogle.
- Ellis was promoted due to how remarkably long it seemed he was at Kansas.
- Greg Paulus and Aaron Craft are angling politically for more power, but Roosevelt Jones seems to be the one who has the most respect from his peers.
- Duke (Redick, Duhon, Paulus, Sheldon Williams, Lance Thomas, Jon Scheyer, Kyle Singler, A Plumlee, Amile Jefferson etc.) leads with most inductees.
- Phil Forte and Frank Mason are the most recent inductees.
That’s all I have for now. As I get deeper into the organization, I will provide more information. I am currently working on a complete roster of every inductee. If you have any questions or are willing to pass along information related to the Van Wilder House, please reach out to me at email@example.com or on Twitter at @Shark_UltraBB. For now, please join me in congratulating Jevon Carter on a well-deserved admission to the Van Wilder House. I’m sure Pittsnogle has something in store for you.
*Note — none of this actually real.
[banner image from The Herald-Dispatch]