This Sunday, we get a match-up of a feisty Philly team led by a back up QB against The
Evil Empire Patriots. While this match-up is infinitely better than ever having to say “Super Bowl Quarterback Blake Bortles,” I need more stakes to properly get up for the big game. While everyone else wants in town wants to write about “A tale of 2 kickers”, Young Goat writes for the people- the people that want to cake up, on betting Super Bowl props:
DISCLAIMER: It was first pitched to me as “Pop-Culture Senior Writer” to write about Super Bowl commercials. While the only money The Barn Burner has made (or will ever???) has been off advertisements, commercials just don’t matter as much anymore. I purposely start my shows late so that I can fast forward through the commercials, I pay the extra $4 bucks on Hulu not to watch commercials. I made an honest attempt and watched a “Top 10 Super Bowl Commercials 2017” video. While I recognized 2, I was moved by 0. Commercials are for grabbing more beers, checking Twitter, washing the rotel cheese off your shirt, and if you’re at the same point in life as me, changing diapers. Super Bowl commercials, are officially, NOPE.
Gambling, especially Super Bowl props, are indeed DOPE, here are The Barn Burner’s picks on our favorite props. Cake up with us!
Will Pink be airborne at any point during the National Anthem? Yes +300, No -500
First off, Pink sucks. Yeah, she has a good voice, I’m with that. But her music sucks. Give me Yes at +300. She’s most definitely going to try to take a knee, and a drone will be ordered to airlift her out as soon as she does.
Total Donald Trump Tweets on February 4th? Over 5 -140, Under 5 EVEN
OVER. There’s so much for him to possibly tweet about: his friendship with Kraft, Brady, and Belichick, the NFL ratings being down, the national anthem, and that’s not even counting self-congratulatory tweets.
How many times will Janet Jackson be mentioned during the broadcast? Over 1.5 +150, Under 1.5 -200
Under. Though, if you’re leaning yes, I’d bet Janet Jackson mentions, Nipplegate, and Wardrobe Malfunction mentions. Betting $100 on all 3 would win you a cool $950.
Will “Nipplegate” be said during the broadcast? Yes +500, No -900
Again, no is the play here. But you can bet hard earned money on the mention of the word “Nipplegate”! What a time to be alive!
Will Justin Timberlake cover a Prince song during the Halftime show? Yes -140, No Even
Shit, I hope so. His new songs are trash. Hopefully he honors the Minnesota native and one of the greatest Super Bowl performances of all time.
Which will be greater? Tom Brady # of completions -130, Demar Derozan Total Points scored against Grizzlies -110
Tom Brady completions should win here. Tom will throw plenty, and Kyle Lowry will take away plenty of shots from Demar in one of his yearly revenge games against the tanking Grizz.
Who will Super Bowl MVP mention first in his speech? Teammates +200, God +300, Coach +700, City +700, Owner +1000, Family +1600, Does not mention any +200
Teammates is a solid bet, but after a dumbass radio host called Tom’s daughter a pissant (really, who does that?), Family at +1600 seems like an easy way to cake up!
MVP: Brady. Hate to go chalk here, but I know G.O.A.T.s.
Winner: Patriots, but Eagles cover +4.5
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Photo Credit: http://thechive.com/2017/02/07/tom-brady-memes-are-the-greatest-of-all-time-21-photos/