New App Soon to Eliminate Potential for Miscommunication and Awkward Sex… or Make it Worse

A Dutch company is launching an app called “LegalFling” aimed at recording sexual consent in an inalterable medium that spells out the parameters of the encounter in advance. Depending on your county of residence, these agreements are supposed to be legally binding. “How do you go about entering a legally binding sex contract without ‘killing the mood’” you ask? I’ll let LegalFling explain.

During a fun night you meet your fling. Now it’s time to get consent. Does your fling really want to take it further? Simply open the LegalFling app, scroll to your contacts and send a request. Your sexual preferences, including your do’s and don’ts are automatically communicated.

(LegalFling).

Nothing screams romance like push notifications for pre-drafted, click to file, legally binding sex contracts.

The designers of the app clearly understand the problems with asking someone to sign a contract before sex and apparently there are even problems with using your mouth to form words and ask for sex. LegalFling adds your smart phone into the mix and now you can “get sexual consent with a single tap.” Just check off the boxes and the app will tell your partner what you do and don’t like so that you don’t have to. LegalFling makes those pesky questions you may ask while you’re doing the deed a thing of the past. Does she want you to choke her? Pull out the app and see if she checked the choking box. Does he like little sneaky pinky finger to get him in the mood? Check your smart phone and the app will tell you. They’ve even setup the app to save these likes and dislikes to automatically populate each agreement you enter with one click. You know, for the dudes out there laying so much pipe that checking all their deviant pleasures for every encounter is just exhausting. This kind of streamlined communication is something our ancestors never could have imagined.

Be sure to take your phones to bed with you.

So what if someone’s consent changes while you and your partner are vacationing in pound town? As comedian Aziz Ansari can surely attest, this can be a tricky situation for adults to handle with tradition communication methods. Download this app and never worry about that situation again. LegalFling says if you or your partner change your mind during sex, just pull out your smart phone and withdraw consent through the app. I’m assuming it’ll send an alert to your partner so they can have clear notice of the withdrawal that is impossible to confuse or misinterpret. Come to think of it, Aziz could have really benefitted from this particular feature.

Here are just a few additional features of the app:

  • Penalty clauses – now you can send cease and desist letters with a single tap;
  • Group flings – send contract proposals to multiple people;
  • Privacy – any leaked footage is a violation of the contract (and you’re just a click away from those cease and desist letters);
  • Transaction Receipts – the agreements are time stamped for additional protection;
  • STD Verification – this should be self-explanatory.

 

My Burning Take: why the hell am I talking about this?

First, I cannot wait to read some of the court transcripts when these contracts start getting litigated. That is going to be some weird shit and I am pumped, y’all.

Second, no way this will actually be legally binding. I keep comparing it to a legally enforceable Tinder date (a truly dark thought). It’s not a fair or accurate comparison but I can’t help myself. Nevertheless, the court of public opinion is the most dangerous court in the land and this app could do a hell of a lot to clear up some accusations there.

Third, and most importantly, why the hell am I sitting at home writing about this shit on a Saturday evening? The “withdraw consent” feature in this app implies that this company now expects that people will have an easier time picking up their phone – in the middle of hooking up – and send a notification to the their partner instead of using their mouth to just say the word “no”. Even worse, part of me thinks they might be right. It’s always easy to hide behind a keyboard and people get nervous during uncomfortable sexual encounters. The additional benefit is clarity. A notification withdrawing consent sends a signal that’s clear as a bell and impossible to misconstrue. In a society where some people ignore or push pass the word “no”[1], some people say “no” while simultaneously escalating the encounter with their actions [2], and others believe that “yes” really means “no” later [3], it’s hard to argue that a little more clarity wouldn’t help. I hate the fact that our society has come this. The fact that this app is even a topic of discussion is repulsive to me. But dammit guys, in today’s world, I think I’d buy this stupid app.

What are your thoughts?

Comment below or reply on Twitter. I’d love to get the public opinion on this app.

 

[1] https://babe.net/2018/01/13/aziz-ansari-28355; https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/15/opinion/aziz-ansari-babe-sexual-harassment.html

[2] https://babe.net/2018/01/13/aziz-ansari-28355; https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/15/opinion/aziz-ansari-babe-sexual-harassment.html

[3] http://www.businessinsider.com/occidental-sexual-assault-2014-9; http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a33751/occidental-justice-case/

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