Stud of the Week: Markieff Morris

“My wife tells me all the time I’ve got big nuts.”  This is a real quote from a real NBA player.  Don’t believe me?  Just watch:

Markieff commented on his cajones after sinking some clutch free throws to propel the Wiz to a win over the dreaded Warriors.  This development was enough of a story to create an impromptu category for The BarnBurner: Stud of the Week.  More importantly, there are deeper factors at work with Markieff’s quote than what originally meets the eye.  Let’s dive in:

First, according to Urban Dictionary, the notion of “big nuts” dates back to 2005, where it was defined as “[s]omeone that is not afraid.”  Can you use that in a sentence please?  “Toby has bignuts he just went 140 on his motorcycle!”  Okay, got it.  Someone with mucho machismo.  In the context of late-game free throws, I’ll say a more appropriate synonym definition would be “poise under pressure.”  Everything makes sense now, Markieff was merely complimenting his own courage under fire.

BUT WAIT!  Doesn’t it change the analysis because it was his wife that said it?  Does “big nuts” now transform from harmless metaphor for poise to actual commentary on Markieff’s physical testicles?  I think we would all be stupid to ignore this possibility.  After all, who’s to say what happens in the Morris’ marital bedroom, but I’m betting it ain’t tiddlywinks.  CONTEXT, ladies and gentlemen.  We here at The BarnBurner exist to make sure things like this don’t go unnoticed or under-analyzed.  So Markieff’s got grapefruits?  Good for him.  He also makes his free throws.  Double good for him!

This begs another related question: does Markieff’s identical twin Marcus also possess nards of doom?  Quick!  Someone put out an APB to Marcus’s wife!

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