Adidas is back at it again, attempting to steal the show at the 2017 NFL Combine. Following up on their offers of $100,000 to the top three 40 times in 2015 and $1,000,000 to anyone who broke Chris Johnson’s 40 record in 2016, Adidas is now ready to give anyone who can break CJ2K’s 4.24 time at the 2017 edition while wearing Adidas’ new cleats their own private island. In a typical corporate bullshit move, the winner would also have to sign an endorsement deal with Adidas. The size of the island is currently unknown, but Adidas does say that the value of the island will not exceed $1,000,000. Still, according to my luxury tropical real estate guy (read: Google), that can net you a pretty solid piece of island.
I was always a Nike guy, but I’d reluctantly slip my feet into those leopard-spotted kicks for the chance to spend the rest of my days on a private beach, drinking tequila and hosting C-list SI Swimsuit photo shoots. I hear Genie Bouchard has a thing for scrawny American guys, anyways. Being forced to sign a deal with Adidas might kill my NFL career from a PR standpoint, but that’s been pretty DOA up until now anyways. Plus, when I inevitably fell just short of the record, I could blame it on Adidas’ shitty product line. No word yet on whether the NFL is going to let random folks participate in the combine (they’re not), but if so, I’ll see you in Indy.