If you play a Madden season on rookie and go 16-0, are you really that good? If you have sex with a hundred 4’s, are you really that much of a stud? Would you dance, if Enrique Iglesias asked you to dance?
Ok that last part doesn’t work unless we are talking “Hero”, but if you know low-budget analogies then you know where I’m going with this.
Gonzaga sucks… Ok fine, they don’t “suck”, they just suffered only their first loss of the season Saturday night vs BYU, but for the better part of a decade they have been putting together faker resumes than Stevey Masiello or that MIT dean. Every year, it’s the same old thing. Win at least 25 games. Beat the bag out of everyone in the WCC. Beat a few average teams from the power conferences to stroke the ego a bit. Get overseeded in the dance. Then lose in the second round or Sweet 16. Rinse and repeat.
I swear it’s every year that some Seth, Greenberg or Davis, or another blabbering head is telling me that the Zags are “for real” this year. Oh really? Were they for real when they had great guards like Dan Dickau, Blake Stepp, Derek Raivio, Matt Bouldin, Jeremy Pargo, John Stockton, John Stockton’s kid or Kevin Pangos? What about the big fellas? Ronny Turiaf, JP Batista (“with the catch”, shoutout Gus Johnson), Robert Sacre, Kelly Olynyk, Kyle Wiltjer, Sabonis’ kid and Przemek Karnowski? Don’t forget the wings either. Austin Daye, Elias Harris and of course, Adam Morrison. These guys are for real!
Slide in close because I want to tell you something real quick. You want to know what all those great players, and Gonzaga teams all have in common?
They, or any Gonzaga team for that matter, have never made the Final Four.
Now, don’t get me wrong, they are still an excellent mid major program. Always in the tournament. Always competing. Perhaps, it has just been a run of bad luck in March. Maybe if Fred Van Vleet doesn’t hit some daggers in 2013, the Olynyk Zags advance to their first Final Four. Maybe Kevin Bac–err– I mean Mark Few isn’t a questionable in-game coach as theorized by this Zags fan conveniently named Seth. Or maybe all these maybes are just bullshit.
The reality is Gonzaga is too often associated with the big boys when they don’t deserve to be. They are no big boy. As Dwight Schrute would put it, they are dental hygienists from Carbondale and they make love like one.
The reality is that if the Gonzaga Men’s Basketball program played in the ACC, SEC, or Big 12, they would be more like Notre Dame, Vanderbilt or Iowa State and less like Duke, Kentucky or Kansas.
The reality is they are the reason we call mid-majors, “mid”-majors.
And the reality fucking is that no matter how big and bad they look in that conference of theirs, at the end of the day, they are competing against Pepperdine and Pacific in the winter.
Again, nothing wrong with that, but come March, reality hits you hard bro. Santa Clara ain’t walking through that door in the second round of the tourney. You can rank Gonzaga #1 for weeks, give them a 1 seed in the West, put them in Seattle for a regional, and they still won’t find a way to get to a Final Four. Don’t let some Seth tell you otherwise.
Photo cred: AP Photo/Elaine Thompson