Bum of the Week: All-Star Weekend NOLA

CHIEF:  So All-Star Weekend just happened.  It jumped through all the hoops it was supposed to, and yet it still lacked a certain something.  For that and the reasons below, 2017 All-Star NOLA is this week’s #BumOfTheWeek.

  1. Anthony Davis breaks Wilt’s All-Star record for points scored with 52.  This seems surreal in theory, but the majority of his points were scored on cherry-picked lob dunks, which is decidedly not surreal.
  2. Boogie Cousins only totaled two (?!) minutes of PT in the entire game, theoretically because of trade rumors.  Should trade rumors keep someone from playing in the All-Star game?  Because Boogie was eventually traded to NOLA, did Pierre the Pelican threaten to eat Kerr’s wife and children if he played Boogie?
  3. Glenn Robinson III won the dunk contest, and I still don’t know who he is.  I don’t even know who Glenn Robinson the I and II are.  Glenn “The Third of His Name” Robinson plays for the Indiana Pacers, which is the NBA equivalent of working for that company from Office Space.  At this point, the NBA is almost trolling us with the participants in this event.
  4. Kyrie Irving thinks the earth is flat, despite the fact that there are aerial space photos of our clearly round planet.  I almost view this is a positive, because it is so unreal it transcends to hilarious status.  There’s absolutely no way Kyrie is serious, but things progressed past the point of, “nah, lol, I’m just fuckin’ with ya” a long time ago.  This development makes me believe that the NBA should incorporate some sort of basic intelligence test, like the NFL’s Wunderlich.  Related, Duke has to be sweating this publicity, right?  They tout themselves as academically superior butttttttt, the earth is fucking round, homie.
  5. The King Cake Baby.  Things were going great down in Nawleans until this sociopathic murder toddler began to harass (or perhaps charm??) the various teams’ social media directors.

SWEATY FREDDY:  The All-Star game is and always has been merely a spectacle. It is fun to watch, yet terribly boring at the same time. It only holds two valuable qualities:

1. It recognizes the best players in the league for all of their talent and hard work.
2. Its relaxed style allows players jam pack the game with some crazy and sometimes foolish highlights (that basic defense in regular season causes to be extremely rare).

CHIEF:  Despite its overall lameness, some pretty gnarly stuff happened at All-Star weekend too:

  1.  The Greek Freak dunked on Steph Curry so hard it transformed him into his lesser brother, Seth Curry.   Look at this shit:


Even more gnarly is Draymond and DeAndre’s respective reactions to this shameless massacre:


That’s really the only appropriate reaction, like when you see your buddy bust his ass by slipping on ice and start to laugh before you realize, “yo he might actually be hurt.”  But that initial laugh burst before your conscious intervenes is quality stuff.

2.  King James still reigns supreme.  As of late, he’s really taken a back seat at the All-Star game, letting the young stars shine brightly.  But this time, he did a thing:

Though there were some fun moments, it’s time to reinvigorate the formula.  All-Star Weekend is just bleh.

SWEATY FREDDY:  Retweet.  The players have fun dicking around out there, but it doesn’t make good television, and anything remotely cool about All-Star game is best viewed via highlight reel.

[King Cake Baby from deadspin.com]

[Green Freak dunk GIF from sbnation.com]

[Dray/DeAndre from buzzpls.com]

[banner image from nba.com]

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