DeMarcus “Boogie” Cousins got his 16th technical, is under a mandatory one-game suspension by the NBA, AND got pecker-punched. He’s The BarnBurner’s BUM OF THE WEEK.
CHIEF: Despite how you personally feel about Boogie Cousins, he’s an engaging & volatile presence in a league where everyone is kind of a pussy. I use “volatile” here to describe his tendency to overreact to everything and get technical fouls. Boogie’s actions make for fairly interesting television. As a sports fan, I like villains, and Boogie is the Hannibal Lecter of the NBA.
However, I believe Boogie’s on-court antics to be a distraction for his team. The Kings haven’t made the playoffs once during his 7-year career, flying in the face of Boogie constantly being lauded as the best Center in the game. I understand passion can fire a team up, like when a coach freaks the fuck out on a ref almost purposefully to get ejected and spur his team to victory, but Boogie’s behavior has finally reached the “eye-rolling” point, where you have to wonder whether he’s just putting on a show or an actual psychopath. How do you coach him? If Dave Joerger’s goatee can’t command Boogie’s respect, what will?
Sweaty Freddy : Some suspect he intentionally gets so many technicals as a kick in the dick to his team because he is hoping to be traded.
CHIEF: Definitely a psychopath. Either way, Boogie’s behavior often leads to interesting on-court interactions. For example, here’s a video of Boogie getting punched in the dick by Buddy Hield, who doesn’t give a damn that his mama named him “Buddy.”
An underrated aspect of this dick-punch is Hield’s unusual technique. Unusual in the way that dick-punches usually go, at least. He doesn’t merely go for a quick jab or backhand pack. Hield, instead, curls his palm and fingers directly up into Boogie’s grundle to pull off some kind of bizarre taint fishhook move. Boogie’s immediate reaction is actually pretty relaxed considering he’s just been sexually assaulted. What’s a guy gotta do to execute a simple pick and roll these days?
I say all this to say, Boogie can’t even get dick-punched in a conventional way. He needs to chill out. Maybe #BumOfTheWeek status will be a cathartic moment for him, and he’ll win a title with Westbrook and the Lakers in a few years?
[banner image from Other League]
[GIF from Barstool Sports]