“Now I Do What I Want.” Y’all. The Church of Russell Westbrook Jr. in the Year of our Adam Silver 2016 is again in session and the congregation could not be more blessed.
First, an important announcement from our Church Elders: https://vine.co/v/5dtxFYb9bX5. This vine scripture should not only serve as reminder of why you joined the Church of Russ but also why we banded together to begin with.
Now, let us recite the sacred Westbrookien Vows:
- I shall throw down every slam dunk with the force of 1000 UCLA Bruins.
- I shall have the best possible response to all KD-thrown shade: “That’s cute, man.”
- I shall be one of the few remaining sociopathically competitive dicks left post-Kobe in an NBA where all other star players are super best friends that vacation together.
- I shall complete my pregame dance with my disciple, Cameron Payne of Memphis, despite how fucking ridiculous it may get.
- I shall wear clothing that makes everyone say “da hell he wearing that for??” especially because they don’t realize that is exactly why I wear such clothing.
- I shall be a 5-foot-8 junior in high school but grow to be a 6-foot-three coiled python athletic freak.
Our Russ is our Russ, and he is a national treasure, y’all. Be Still and Know that he is Russ.
[image from Panini Innovation 2013-2014]